Still on course :-)

Wow, I'm impressed -- here I am writing only two days since I last wrote.   Has a lot to do with the Labor Day weekend coming and few client emails -- most people have VACATION and TIME OFF to be with family and friends.  I end up feeling guilty when I resent the demands of the workplace -- I SHOULD be happy I have a job, right?  Right?  Right, I guess.   I just feel the call to be more creative, spend the days I can doing the things I really want to do and NOT be so confined by a job and the daily 9 - 5.  Yuck.   Okay - off to work, lunch is over!   (I just don't know how to be other than the person I am. . . for good or bad.)

New 'School' Year. . . .

So, another 3 months have passed. . . . June spent mostly in Omaha; July busy with visiting family, and a lot of August 're-charging' my batteries and or driving to Fond du Lac.  No wonder I feel as though my summer came and went way too quickly.   I guess I need to embrace fall since Labor Day is only a few days away.  And maybe I should embrace it like I did in my initial career as a teacher.  The one thing I loved about teaching was the 'new beginning' that each new school year brought. No matter how disappointing the previous year was, the summer gave me time to clear the cobwebs, re-charge the batteries and generate enthusiasm for another new group of students.   I need that 're-charge' more now than ever.  With the latest reminder that 'some things never change' and with the escalating frustration level it just doesn't make sense to keep hitting my head on the VEE walls.   Thank goodness I have some terrific clients. . . . I suppose they represent the terrific students I would have in the past.   In both cases, the personal connection is what keeps me going; what re-charges my batteries.  

That means, that September 4th begins my NEW YEAR. . . and fun for me to see the connection to my all-time favorite number 4!!  I feel like I've wasted August, but it's such a 'down' month.  Most people are on vacation or not feeling the urgency that will come after Labor Day.   I just need to transfer that 'urgency' and 'energy' to my OWN needs and not necessary the needs of this job.  Time to move on and create the next step in my life. :-)

Me again!

Okay. . . . still trying to re-boot with minimal success.  Some days are okay, especially since I am feeling committed to making a change.   Just don't know what that change will be. . . wish I had a vision but until I have an 'ending' it makes sense that the future is unclear.  When I was younger I thought I'd have my act together by now, but the older I get the more I realize that very few people are comfortable with what their life has been and are still unsettle about where life is taking us.  Is that a 'Boomer Curse'??   Hey -- is that a title of a book?  Funny how things like that strike me -- think I should pay more attention to my 'thoughts.'   Mrs. Lang (Creative Writing at MV) was the one who initially commented on recording and writing down thoughts --- making sense of things can come later (if at all.) Ah. . . the creative process.  Need to find ways to re-charge that in myself. 

Lack of success. . . .

I certainly thought I would post more often than I do.   I feel like I'm not being successful in most areas of my life at the moment. . . work, home, family, friends. . . . so 'extensions' like a blog are victim of the 'dull' routine I'm in.    I almost feel paralyzed. . . . not able to do things that are easy to do (emails for work; de-cluttering at home) and don't know why.   Looking back I've always gone through periods like this so I shouldn't be surprised, yet somehow I am.  I guess I want to feel I can overcome this lethargy by sheer will power.  Not so easy!   What's the cause?  Winter? (typically I can assume this, but we've had such a mild winter this year that I can't blame cold & snow)  I am feeling ineffective at work -- I think that has more to do with the fact that I've done this job for over ten years and the 'thrill' is gone.  Don't know how to re-kindle it, but the thought of a new job at my age is a bit too much to fathom.  I fantasize about having free time and flexibility but will I have the financial wherewithall to do the things I want to if I'm no longer working?!?!?   Catch 22.   I need to re-boot my life.